A charming reader -- who will be nameless, as I did not get permission to publish the e-mail in question -- has made an unexpected and intriguing suggestion. Rather than nominate a favorite local "character" or potential plot twist for future narratives, this flattering person directed me to the write-in results for the 2005 election, where I was enormously bounced to find that no less than three Arlington voters had written your humble servant in as their selection for County Board. My correspondent was prepared to circulate the notion again this fall, at the grass-roots level if you will.What am I to think of this? One is so little a public person, and yet one's heart cannot help beating a little faster at the thought of a boldly stenciled "Barcroft for Board" signboard among the glossier placards at the entry to the polls. And then there is the cachet of dynasty; one would not be the first "J. Barcroft" to be so drafted by the voting public, and one thinks of the great names of American political succession -- Adams; Roosevelt; umm.... Bush. Well.
Am I foolish to dandle such dreams of empire? To stand, even anonymously, for public office, and ride in triumph through Persepolis!
29 comments:
Why not vote for Jane? She can think, she can write, and she has a sense of humor. That is more than one can say about the current County Board.
My dear fellow... I was wondering when you might show up. Your zeal for my modest narratives is exhilarating, but do help me out... I would have bleeped "pin heads" if the software had an obvious way to do so. We are trying to steer the tone of discourse away from invective.
The thought of voting for one's favorite character is intriguing, I already have had one reader express a crush on Amanda Fraike.
Ah, m'sieu, be careful what you ask for.
McCaffrey?? Girls????? Does he really know what to do with them???
For that matter, does Pastorelli know??
I hesitated a bit before publishing that last comment. One must remember that Miss Jane writes fiction and cannot be expected to answer questions about real people. (Pastorelli, of course, is a character on paper and his author has the power to decide what he does or does not know.) But then I thought that perhaps your question, rather than sarcastic and rhetorical, might represent the excited inquiry of a lovelorn young lady, and it would be a shame to obstruct a potentially rewarding liaison.
Am I supposed to be amused by this slimey person "Jane Barcroft" who defames people she has never met based upon hearsay from slimey people she has met? I don't think so.
My dear Sir or Madam, you are almost as grumpy as Mr.(?) Anonymous Grumpy who posted some time back. However I am so bounced that anyone is still checking in here (I have been terribly remiss) that I shall forgive it. But why ever would you think I write about people I have not met? I have not only met all of my major characters but chatted amiably with most of them. In fact, I rather like all of them, even those with whom I have taken a few liberties. Zut!!! Read the disclaimers. Everyone has been taking far too many of these rapid-reading courses.
Dear, dear. I see there was a second comment today (have I appeared in some other blog? I must search) and, according to the rules of moderation I stated at the beginning of the blog, I have rejected it as unnecessarily abusive in wording. I have done the same with comments from my supporters if the language was too crude. But in a spirit of fairness, I will say that this person stated that I "spread malicious gossip" and that I "lie."
Mon dieu! Once again, I make all this stuff up! It is fiction and no one is to believe a word of it! ... I recall a TV mystery program in which someone said of a missing author: "All novels is lies and hers was MUCKY lies." Well, I suppose that is one point of view.
A proposal: If I have put someone between the sheets -- of foolscap, that is - with anyone they really dislike, I will entertain pleas for a better match in an upcoming scene. What else can I do to gentle you?
Re: Jane Barcroft Group
Not a "she" but a small group of malicious individuals with an elitist agenda. And vice versa.
Dasr, dear, this is starting to read like a scene from one of my own novels, and I say that with some specificity. Are we dealing with Mr. or Ms. Anonymous and is it Anonymous One, Two and Three or Red, Blue and Yellow? (Puce?) But I am hurt, wounded I tell you, to have this doubt of my existence flung in my face. I am quite solid and singular, and put on my pajamas one leg at a time, stopping with the second. And elitist! Has Mr. Red or Ms. Yellow or whoever is posting actually read my books? I boggle to think I am in the presence of a critic who has skipped the essential step of reading the material and gone directly to the attack, somewhat like a high school student with a late term paper. (Are there Cliffs Notes on my books, one wonders? Will there ever be? An intriguing thought.)
Sadly, "her" scurrilous novels were written by a committee of local elitist Republicans. The Arlington police assisted by passing on old cop gossip.
I am agog! Ms. Puce or whoever is so confident and assured, yet so... well, to be blunt, wrong?
Here I have been somewhat put about by personal problems, sorely remiss in my literary calling, and convinced that my works to date had had their moment, and yet I find someone speculating so industriously on their provenance. I cannot wait to hear the grounds for these remarkable conclusions, I confess it, I am too piqued.
And by the way, what ever is a "group of individuals with an elitist agenda and vice versa"? What is vice and what is versa?
Hey Miss Jane:
I dropped by your parlor because I saw the article in the paper saying you had garnered some votes. Way to go!!
After reading the comments posted here
I really am astonished. I have found your novels quite entertaining -- not
malicious. Obviously, the recent poster is an individual who is suffering some mental problems that don't let him/her distinguish between fact and fiction. Let's pray that person is moved to seek professional help before being consumed by the displaced anger displayed.
Keep the books coming. We need the
humor to bring some levity to THE
ARLINGTON WAY -- otherwise we will
all go mad.
Hey, right on. "Jane Barcroft" is a group of Republican elitists hiding behind a pseudonym. If you're on the "A" list you get to add scurrilous comments, and gossip from your Arlington cop friends, to "Jane's" next dime novel. Notice they are up to their usual tactics, calling anyone who disagrees with them and their county-as-country-club agenda "crazy."
This is too delicious. Shall I post the quotation I am thinking of? No, darling, don't be cruel...hm... No. Instead, a pop quiz! Ms. Puce or whoever is so direly unhappy with me, I offer you a chance to demonstrate that you actually know what is in my books, since multiple posts have imputed to them an absolutely bizarre interpretation.
Open book is permitted!
(1) What is Mercedes de la Roja's occupation, and what is her hobby?
(2) When Smitty helps save the hostages, how does he do it?
(3) What was Meg's biggest complaint about Smitty as a boy friend?
(4) How does Ashonza Tebo wear her hair?
(5) Who is the killer in "Murder Out of the Ballpark," and what is his motive?
Two points for each question, six will be a passing grade, one extra point removed for each obvious guess. I apologize in advance for possible spoilers to readers who have not yet finished either book.
"It didn't take me long to make up my mind that these liars warn't no kings nor dukes, at all, but just low-down humbugs and frauds. But I never said nothing, never let on; kept it to myself; it's the best way; then you don't have no quarrels, and don't get into no trouble. If they wanted us to call them kings and dukes, I had no objections, 'long as it would keep peace in the family; and it warn't no use to tell Jim, so I didn't tell him. If I never learnt nothing else out of pap, I learnt that the best way to get along with his kind of people is to let them have their own way."
Not only literary, but gnomic. Enchante.
"He is as witty a marmalade-eater as ever I conversed with," said La Fireez, "but I cannot tell what the dickens he means."
If an author characterizes readily identifiable people as thieves and adulterers in a dime novel when these people are actually well liked, honest, and faithful to their spouses should anyone be surprised if that author is called "slimey?"
Oh, naughty perhaps and possibly edgy. I cannot argue with your opinion, of course.
Dude, the Republicans who write the Jane Barcroft 'dime novels' have the same consideration for Arlington's activists that Linda Tripp had for Chelsea Clinton.
It is practically Rashomon. One thinks it is a secret truth, one thinks it is deliberate defamation, and all along I was doing my best to make everything so preposterous that everyone would see it could not be meant seriously. Voodoo? Machine pistols? The Mafia? As Smitty would say, "Dear Lord."
"Jane Barcroft." A group of Republicans who dislike liberals, affordable housing, poor people, minorities, etc., and are willing to use massive defamation to achieve their goal of Arlington-as-a-country-club.
True - "Jane Barcroft" has as much consideration for Arlington's social activists as Linda Tripp had for Chelsea Clinton.
Dear Ms. Puce, do you need some cold cloths on your head? Didn't you say that before?
And yet no responses to my pop quiz, when I composed it with such zest! Given the content of your complaints, here is another:
(1) What is on the floppy disk that arrives at the Spectator office, and why does Smitty wonder if it could be a motive for murder?
(2) Smitty spends Chapter 9 of Murder Across the Board in conversation with two positive, resourceful characters. What are their respective ethnic groups?
(3) The baseball stadium is considered a negative in Murder out of the Ballpark because it will destroy A. A lovely view of the monuments from a posh high rise; B. One of the last modest-priced housing co-ops in Arlington.
No more complaints about Miss Jane's alleged politics until the answers are in! This is such fun -- one imagines one's books are already being taught in "Pulp Fiction 101"!
Yeah. Chelsea Clinton. A family member. A kid. Think it didn't hurt? Think it doesn't hurt family members when the Jane Barcroft Group uses massive defamation to promote its "Arlington-as-a-country-club" agenda?
But you don't have to go that far with these Arlington Republican slime balls. Look at what the Jane Barcroft Group did about getting a copyright for "Murder Across the Board." Used the name of Antzilla's former girlfriend, without her permission.
Forgive my removing my own post, but one hates to have textual blunders preserved. To the point, I am still waiting for the quiz answers, or I will assume that all these accusations of elitism and so on stem from a violent ignorance of the text. (Good heavens, you could read it while stuck on the Orange Line.) As to the copyright caper, the lady is known for a sense of humor (she would need one to have ever dated Mr. A), and for certain obvious reasons it follows the rubric of "too preposterous to be taken seriously". If the movie rights are ever optioned, she can have the money. Shall we call it fair?
Mon Dieu! One is patient, even still somewhat amused, but one has one's limits. Ms. Puce, if I may call you that, I have received your most recent post. "Forget the trivia quiz," say you, as you reiterate a series of near-delusional accusations. If you cannot prove you have at least read my books, I shall not publish any more of your repetitive posts. Go to the front of the room, or rather the top of the blog, and write your answers on the chalkboard. If you cannot do that, well, I have certainly given your assertions sufficient currency.
As a former County staffer, I found "Murder Across the Board" an excellent read. The current Board takes itself way too serious. What they need is a right-wing thinker to shake things up. They should be honored that somebody actually deemed them and Arlington County important enough to spoof in a book.
At your service, m'sieu ou madame. One aspires, as was once said of William Gaines, to be "the hole in the stuffed shirt through which the sawdust slowly trickles."
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